BDD misconceptions:

A common misconception about BDD is that it is only a disorder based on a fear of being ugly, but BDD is a condition which covers severe social anxiety and depression which also have to be addressed. Recovering from BDD also implies learning to function socially again.

My experience of therapy and BDD:

I decided to begin therapy when I felt that I was unable to help myself after trying for 12 years to solve my BDD problems on my own.

The first step involves contacting a therapist to discuss your problems. It took me 2 years to gather the strength to do that! I was haunted by the following questions: "How the hell am I going to have the courage to confront anyone with my BDD? This seems such a big task and what will happen to me if someone finds out I have BDD?" and it's quite normal to have those questions running around in your head.

I also came across the problem that I didn't know how to introduce my problem and was turned down by a therapist who set me back for two years more before I had the strength to try again. My advice on that is that each will find their own way of approaching a therapist, some directly saying that they think they have BDD and others like myself saying that you have a self-esteem problem and that you'd like to work on it to become more confident in yourself and socially. The shame surrounding bdd can be a big barrier to overcome! It takes a lot of courage and you shouldn't be put down by a therapist refusing to see you, his timetable might be full, he might not want to treat that kind of condition, God knows why, but don' t give up at the first set back. Try and try again.

Meeting the therapist:

If you don't like the therapist, you can sit for a session but don't go back if you don't like the person, find another one you feel more comfortable with. I turned up on a therapist's doorstep, but when I saw his face I didn't like his look and I told him that I'd changed my mind and walked off.

Choose a therapist who doesn't live in your building/street so you will be unlikely to meet him in the street.

The first session the therapist will set out the rules with you. In my case he said: "The psychotherapy I practice is of psychoanalytic inspiration (therapy based on discovering and understanding the semi-conscious or unconscious ideas which make you suffer). The rule is that you say anything which comes across your mind, you can also tell me what you see in your dreams. I intervene when I feel I should. Is that ok with you?" To which I answered: "Yes, of course." I was a bit taken aback by such an open-ended approach, but hell I was there to try.

Cost:

You should discuss the cost of the session before starting, like that you can walk out if it's too expensive. It's best to have settled this issue over the phone, although some therapists will suggest you come and see them before discussing price and could adapt their price to your situation and personality. The sessions I go to lasted 45minutes at a cost 200 FF, that's 30US$, about 21£ .

What do you talk about in therapy?:

You talk about everything which bothers you in your life, it's as simple as that, every element can have its importance. For the first few months I poured my heart out and told my therapist about everything that was making me suffer and all my concerns with regards to my looks, sexuality, meaning of life, you name it…everything which bothers you is good for discussion! The therapist intervened only a few times in every session, sometimes not at all, he would just let me talk for 45 minutes just nodding. Every once in a while, after having listened to me carefully he would come up with a question or a sentence which would confront me with my ideas and show me what was potentially wrong or push me further into understanding my ideas. For example my mother once said when I was a child that she only liked dark haired men. As I was a small blond child, I was deeply hurt by that comment but never thought anything of it more than my mother didn't like my looks. When the therapist heard that he simply said: "You suffered a narcissistic wound" and that came as a big surprise to me, for the first time I saw my problem as a "wound" and something which could be healed, not necessarily an impossible problem. These "magic" moments are rare but so precious and come along when you least expect them. Twelve months down the line, I have heard lots of these magic sentences out of 80 sessions and feel a lot better. Therapy gives you that "onlooker" approach to yourself which definitely helps to understand yourself.

There are many themes that we approached in therapy which have helped me get over BDD to more bearable levels:

Final comments:

Good luck !